there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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