So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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