so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
