i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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