I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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