the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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