I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
