bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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