What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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