i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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