We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
