Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
