Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
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When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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