I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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