Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
