Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
