please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
