well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
