I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
