Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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