I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
