You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
