i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
