I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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