someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
