We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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