Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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