Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
