wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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