Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
