forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
