I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
