i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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