Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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