you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
