So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
