i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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