uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
