i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
