I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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