We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
