Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
