if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
