I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
