I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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