Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
