YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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