Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
