I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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