Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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