i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will be naked everywhere
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
