it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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