I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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