Your mouth is God's brothel.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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