You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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