I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
