Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
