i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
