2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
