You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
