Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
