like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
