No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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