You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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