I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
