mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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