I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
