So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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