I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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