you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
