and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
