Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
