I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
