i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
