There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
