Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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