so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm bleeding and have questions
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
