Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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