dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
