Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
