I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
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Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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