I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
