our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize