I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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