I hate your face
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
