I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
