Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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